Browsing articles tagged with " anger management"

Anchor Counseling Center: 4 Tips to a Happy and Healthy Relationship

Tips for a Happy and Healthy Relationship

Each week couples come into our office seeking help for problems in their relationship. Some couples have been married for several years and feel that they have lost a connection with their spouse. Others have only been together a couple of years but feel that they are no longer happy together. Whichever category you fall into, it is important to seek some kind of counseling as soon as you start to feel unhappy. According to John Gottman, a relationship expert, the average couple waits six years before seeking therapy for problems in their relationship.

Here are some tips for a healthy and happy relationship:

Trust: According to Gottman, trust is the most vital ingredient to a successful relationship. Many factors go into building trust and it is something that couples need to nurture every day.

Good communication: It is important to listen to what your spouse has to say and consider their feelings when making decisions. One way to make sure everyone feels that their opinion is heard it to take turns talking and not allow interruptions until the other person is done speaking.

Make time for each other: Often couples report that they are not spending time together like they used to. This can be due to busy schedules or having children. Some couples feel that finances hold them back from doing things together. All couples, no matter what their situation, can take half an hour each day to go for a walk or cook together.

Parenting: Being on the same page in terms of parenting is crucial. Not agreeing on rules and consequences at home can lead to children acting out which can make for an unhappy household.

If you feel that this applies to your relationship, please call us at Anchor Counseling Center today to schedule an appointment with one of our therapist.  You can visit our website by clicking here.  If you would like to call us our number is 401.475.9979

Tania Weld, LMFT

Anchor Counseling Center

Do we need Stress in our lives? 6 Steps to decrease.

Sep 17, 2012   //   by Shawna Figueira   //   Blog, East Bay, East Providence, Lincoln, Rhode Island, Mental Health, Stress, Uncategorized, cranston  //  No Comments

Do you really need stress in our lives?

I know many of you may be thinking “Well of course not, who needs stress?” but believe it or not we do need some level of stress in our lives in order to function.  There is such a concept as good stress (eustress) as well as bad stress (distress).  I think most of us are more familiar with distress but eustress actually helps us thrive in our daily lives.

Eustress (good stress) can be events such as starting a new job, getting married, having a baby, etc.  To most of us, we may think these are great moments in our lives and of course while they are great moments, it also involves some level of stress.

So now let’s switch over to distress.  It’s something everyone has encountered and coped with differently.  If we are able to see challenges in our lives as manageable, it will lead us to handling stressful situations effectively.

I would like to offer some self-care techniques that can help us cope with stress more effectively.  These are strategies that when implemented on a consistent basis will help improve our mood, overall well-being, and perspective in general.  Please check out the bulleted list below to learn more about these strategies and see if you are already applying them in your daily lives.

v Take time to relax. Seriously this is important.  Try to take mini breaks throughout your day.  Examples include going outside for a brief walk, stretching, taking deep breaths.

v Get enough sleep. We underestimate how much sleep we really need in order to function.  A healthy range for adults is anywhere between 6-8 hours every night.  If you can get more then you’re in good shape.

v Practice positive self-talk. This will help us to view stressors as manageable rather than impossible.  Examples include:  “I will get through this”, “Things will get better”, etc.

v Exercise. Believe it or not adding physical activity to your day will help release energy in a positive way and provide you with a more balanced outlook on life especially stress.

v Make a to-do-list. Getting organized by making a checklist at the beginning of your day of reasonable items you can accomplish will alleviate stress.

v  Enlist social/family support. Talk to friends and/or family members on a regular basis.  It is vitally important that we connect with others and share our feelings.  It is okay to ask for help.

Can you think of a time in which you were faced with what you thought was an impossible thing to overcome?  Think about how you handled and could you have handled it differently.  If so, would it have made a difference on how you felt following the outcome of that event in your life?

The Military presents challenges for all!

Sep 17, 2012   //   by Shawna Figueira   //   Blog, East Bay, East Providence, Lincoln, Rhode Island, Marriage, Mental Health, News, Self Help, Stress, Uncategorized, cranston  //  No Comments

At Anchor Counseling we provide therapy to families from deployed individuals.  As a military wife/SO for over 10 yrs I have been a part of many different experiences. Military life is a unique cultural that at times can present challenges to individuals and families as well as lots of successes.  As the war comes to an end, there will be many soldiers returning home that may be dealing with many different changes and expectations.  As a clinician, I think it is extremely important to become educated with this population and be aware of different issues/needs and concerns that they may face on a daily basis.  Reintegration is a joyous and stressful time!  Reintegration is about more than coming home. It is about resuming and establishing relationships that provide pleasure, comfort and support.

Many service members returning from deployment may experience what are referred to as “invisible injuries”. Invisible injuries include posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD),  traumatic brain injury (TBI), depression and anxiety that can result from combat exposure. Sometimes alcohol, tobacco and drug use, as well as impulsive or aggressive behavior can magnify these conditions.   All of these problems can compromise relationships reducing one’s ability to enjoy pleasurable and health activities.  Here are a few helpful tips for what soldiers/spouses and children may feel/experience.

With deployment comes change. Knowing what to expect and how to deal with changes can make homecoming more enjoyable and less stressful. Below are some hints you might find helpful.

With deployment comes change. Knowing what to expect and how to deal with changes can make homecoming more enjoyable and less stressful. Below are some hints you might find helpful.

Expectations for Soldiers:

  • You may miss the excitement of the deployment for a while.
  • Some things may have changed while you were gone.
  • Face to face communication may be hard at first.
  • Sexual closeness may also be awkward at first.
  • Children have grown and may be different in many ways.
  • Roles may have changed to manage basic household chores.
  • Spouses may have become more independent and learned new coping skills.
  • Spouses may have new friends and support systems.
  • You may have changed in your outlook and priorities in life.
  • You may want to talk about what you saw and did. Others may seem not to want to listen. Or you may not want to talk about it when others keep asking.

Expectations for Spouses:

  • Soldiers may have changed.
  • Soldiers, used to the open spaces of the field, may feel closed in.
  • Soldiers also may be overwhelmed by noise and confusion of home life.
  • Soldiers may be on a different schedule of sleeping and eating (jet lag).
  • Soldiers may wonder if they still fit into the family.
  • Soldiers may want to take back all the responsibilities they had before they left.
  • Soldiers may feel hurt when young children are slow to hug them.

What Children May Feel:

  • Babies less than 1 year old may not know you and may cry when held.
  • Toddlers (1-3 years) may hide from you and be slow to come to you.
  • Preschoolers (3-5 years) may feel guilty over the separation and be scared.
  • School age (6-12 years) may want a lot of your time and attention.
  • Teenagers (13-18 years) may be moody and may appear not to care.
  • Any age may feel guilty about not living up to your standards.
  • Some may fear your return (“Wait until mommy/daddy gets home!”).
  • Some may feel torn by loyalties to the spouse who remained.

Amy J. Chirichetti, LICSW

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Human suffering and the Journey to The Other Side

Jan 26, 2012   //   by Shawna Figueira   //   Blog, East Bay, East Providence, Lincoln, Rhode Island, Marriage, Mental Health, News, Self Help, Stress, cranston  //  No Comments

A Whisper of Light

By: Aryssa Washington

To where is escape but after the dive—a liberating plunge

I may find it, or an abyss of nothingness

Face over the edge—barely breathing

Or should I hold it in forever?

Until breaking past the first cold sweep of water shivering over my body, pushing me deeper into the dark

The murky puddle remains expansive to my sight

My toes lurk at the edge in anticipatory trepidation, tipping and teetering toward the damp darkness as one lonely droplet scantily clad in ache, sears a path into icy cold bleakness

Down towards the plunge

Into the dark, out of the light

Out of the dark, into the light

I know not the escape.

A wavering shape, she stares back at me mirrored in the murky pools

Heated eyes, pelt livid drops of rain lightly across the shimmering abyss

Stretched and taut, I poise my body firmly for flight

I let my feet leave the sturdy form of concrete, diving in

An inferno of blazing anger and fight crash into the stark impact of cool, ice swarming to attack the invading heat

The fire-lit scar indolently marking my life draws out the light

Mouth formed to scream the words, hands itching to gouge free, digging deep, tearing it apart to burn by the drop, by the dive, to melt away in the dark.

Uttering a shriek I break in, seeping into the darkest chasm

Dismal lights fade, giving way to the waves of deeper ocean, a different sea

The tears and pain once searching, relax into a calming ebb and flow

The last flickering blaze burning out, melding into icy cold waves

Towing and tugging me willingly to the cold pillow lit to drench my rest in serenity

I see her, standing over me, before she dives, after the dream—liberated from a sleeping image, replaced by her, by me.

My minds whisper a lit by the wish that tranquility remain.

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Anchor Counseling joins Lincoln Pediatrics

Oct 12, 2011   //   by Shawna Figueira   //   Blog, East Providence, Lincoln, Rhode Island, Mental Health, Uncategorized, cranston  //  No Comments

We have also partnered with Lincoln Pediatrics to provide more timely and on-site availability to counseling services.  Richard Figueira, LICSW, is the clinical director of Anchor Counseling. He will be providing on-site services at the North Attleboro office starting in November. We are excited about this new partnership with Lincoln Pediatrics. We believe it will be a win-win situation for our patients and for Lincoln Pediatrics.

We at Anchor Counseling Center are remembering 9/11!

Sep 10, 2011   //   by Shawna Figueira   //   Blog  //  No Comments

At Anchor Counseling Center, ten years ago the numbers “9″ and “11″ did not mean anything but were simply two numbers that were separated by, ironically, the number “10.”  Today, the numbers “9 and 11″ bring back memories of a tragic event and day that left many individuals, families, and ultimately a country scared and scarred for many years to come.

It was that day when this country lost 3,000 civilians due to 4 suicide bomb attacks.  New York City, as well as Washington, D.C., was physically affected losing some this country’s most visible and notable buildings, including the Pentagon.  Coinciding, passenger’s attempts to take control of the fourth hijacked jet crashed into a field in Pennsylvania – the jet’s intended destination also being Washington, D.C.

At “Ground Zero” thousands of police officers, fire fighters, EMS personnel, search and rescue dogs, construction workers, and civilian volunteers responded trying to find survivors and just lend a helping hand where needed.

During that dark and horrific morning the country took precautions to protect the President.  President Bush was continuously moved around the country until approximately 7pm.  When he returned to the White House, he addressed our nation.  His now famous speech echoed the country’s sentiments, “Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America.  These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve.”  In a reference to the eventual U.S. military’s response he declared, “We will make no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts and those who harbor them.”

Operation Enduring Freedom had begun.  The military captured and slowed down the Taliban within two months.  But, it would take our country and its military almost 10 years to capture Bin Laden.  On May 2, 2011, the US military captured and killed the mastermind behind the most devastating attack and day in this country’s history.

Today, many people are left with their own burning holes of empty feelings after losing loved ones.  On that day, our freedom, as we knew it was taken.  Some of us are still healing from the wounds of that day.  There is not much anyone can do for the many who suffered during that time, on that day, and in the days following.

At Anchor Counseling Center, we provide therapy and counseling to many people.  Although, many of our patients may have never felt a loss from this tragedy, they do, in their own way deal with loss, grief, anger, disappointment, sadness, and many other issues.

Whatever the feelings or cause, we are here to respond to your needs.  Anchor Counseling Center has over 20 clinicians in Cranston, East Providence, and Lincoln, RI.  While the help may not reach the gravity that the 300 or so first responders, who lost their lives faced on that fateful day on September 11, 2001- we are here to help; one family at a time.

May God bless America!  We and this entire nation are forever grateful to the brave men and women who protect and defend this wonderful country of ours every day.  You are the reason that we can proudly say that we are the “the land of the free and the home of the brave.”If you or someone you know need someone to talk to please contact us.

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Richard Figueira, LICSW

Clinical Director

Anchor Counseling Center

Rhode Island

How do you know if you need Anger Management?

Mar 14, 2011   //   by Shawna Figueira   //   Blog  //  No Comments

How do you know if you need anger management?  You either find yourself unable to control your aggression or someone, maybe even the legal system,  has asked or ordered you to attend Anger Management Classes.

There is no cure for anger but instead learn to decrease the act of allowing certain emotions to take over a situation or getting educated about the triggers that lead to how you may act out.

We tell anyone that if you can manage anger you can manage happiness too.  The person does not change, unless you choose to change.

Psycho-education play a huge part in learning to control your outbursts.  Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) can also help with restructuring thoughts that lead to your emotions and eventually the way we all behave.

Perception or irrational thoughts maybe a leading cause.  At times, what you have experienced in the past may lead to preconceived notions and anger maybe a learned behavior.

Lastly, anger for many people is much easier to deal with than to talk about what is truly the issue at hand.  Someone maybe sad, depressed, anxious, fearful or many other things.  Learning to cope with life is and understanding yourself will in the end help you manage you; that would be the goal.  Change can only be brought by education and understanding while appropriate communicating the primary issue or emotion.

If you feel you could benefit from speaking to someone please call us @ 475-9979.  We have offices in East Providence, Cranston, and Lincoln.

Or click here to email us with any questions.

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